Thursday, November 19, 2009

Are Singapore girls’ expectations beyond the sky?

Lately, I have been mingling with many of my classmates. Most of them are single, late 20s, with a high paying job and drives a cool vehicle. Sometimes during chill out sessions, they will inevitably talk about their expectations of a boyfriend or partner.


This brings an inspiration for today’s post.


I am absolutely flabbergasted by the standards they have set for their future boyfriends and husbands.


A: I would expect him to earn at least $12,000 a month. Anything less than that is either he is lousy or deserve a lesser human form as wife.


B: He does not need to earn the sky, but he must provide everything for me. I will not want to fork out a single cent for my wedding and matrimonial home.


C: I have even “simpler” needs. He just need to ensure that I can give up my job anytime I want to, possibly if I want to retire by 35, he is able to provide for me and our kids. Hopefully he has his own business and I can give up my job to help him. But he must at least be matching my $10,000 salary now lah! Or else no point giving up my job to work with him right? (Well, his business must be doing extremely well then!!)


D: Well, I expect a romantic proposal from him. Just a wonderful private apartment bought under my name will do. I will love him more!


Sgbluechip: WOW, please do not consider me! I earn a gross $5,000 monthly and will barely touch the $80,000 mark after including all bonuses and allowances. I thought that finding a life partner is beyond dollars and cents, which cannot be quantifiable even with the most abstract model?


A B C D: No worries, we will never consider you! Well, though money does not guarantee happiness, but we do want our husband to earn at least 30% more than us. In that way, we can feel secured and pampered.


Sgbluechip: Well, the median income for Singaporeans is only roughly $3,200 and average income possibly around $4,500. That includes the income of the high net worth individuals which in reality depicts and inadequate representation of the society’s income and standard of living.


Enough said.


A B C D all drives a nice car, earns a 5 figure sum monthly, works in MNC and are under 30. They are highly eloquent and well groomed, somewhat different from the girl next door working in a small company.


It seems that many girls around me are always using their girlfriends’ most eligible boyfriend/husband as a benchmark to set their “vision” and “mission”.


Many Singaporean guys lament that our local girls are pampered and have unrealistic expectations. This might be quite true, especially for girls who have high salary and credentials. Sometimes, I do feel quite amusing mingling with them. I mean, why do people attach monetary value for every single thing they do in their life, including their marriage?


Economist have time and again pointed out that GDP is never a good indicator of standard of living. And by that, it means that an equation of money and happiness can never be drawn even by Einstein. Yet many are conveniently drawing a simple equation with it.


Is there any module in universities that teaches people to love money less?


I think it will be useful to improve every graduate’s real standard of living.


Well that said, I think my perception is only limited to the people I hang around with. I am sure there are many nice girls (which I have also come across) that prefer their guy to be simple. Just a stable career, earning say $3,000 monthly, faithful, homely and reliable guy to be their life partner more than satisfy all expectations.


Not to worry, such guys are a dime a dozen. Let’s just leave the rich boys for A B C D since they live by the adage that money provides all solution and create no problems.

36 comments:

Musicwhiz said...

Hi SG Blue Chip,

I read your post with much amusement. I too recall that some years back (when I was still in my 20's), I also mingled with single girls who voiced out their expectations. Suffice to say that even though these girls are not earning 5-figures and driving a nice car, the expectations are nevertheless quite similar. Maybe there's something about Singapore girls which makes them unrealistic (or perhaps materialistic?). I believe the problem lies in them being "pampered" by so much money so early in life, and just when they begin their career. This causes them to be too spoilt and be unable to look to the future and long-term.

Think about it - if you are female, single, early 20's, in the prime of your life and reasonably attractive, you think you have the whole world at your feet! Women who get too comfortable with this kind of lifestyle will find it almost impossible to downgrade their expectations once the going gets tough, and trust me moving forward the going will probably get tough.

To avoid being too crude, I think these ladies have to consider the fact that their shelf life is not infinite; and as the saying goes, men age like fine wine, while women age like vinegar! If they are unable to lower their expectations, then eventually they will end up lonely. It's a simple fact of life. All my lady friends who are married have realistic expectations and their husbands are not earning 5-figures or even close to that. But they have the love, understanding and communication which keeps a long-term relationship alive. For me, I am so glad for that too!

Sorry for the long ramble, I could probably say more but I think I better end off here before I get blasted by girls from the new Generation Y. Haha.

Cheers,
Musicwhiz

Sgbluechip said...

MW, thank you so much for striking a chord with me on my thoughts! It is exactly how I feel. But I can't really write them crudely as some of them read my blog on a regular basis as well!

But heck! Your comment is so well written that I will probably copy and paste (pls agree) onto my next posting if I am writing any follow up on the topic!

The thing about them is that they do not EVEN realise that their expectations are sky high! It seems that having a $400k annual family income is the only route to happiness.

And I have not even touched on the point that they expect BFs to pay for everything when they go for overseas trips!

What has capitalism done to love?

Some people need a house, not a home. Vice versa for us, MW!

SBC

Wealth Journey said...

Don't worry about them.. There is enough gals to go around ..keke..

If they want someone of that high expectations, wished them luck and hope they find theirs.

We can always look for gals who have lesser expectations of their partners.

As we always say in Project Management, Always Under-promise but Over-Deliver! :) We should always surprise on the upside if the "users" have lesser expectations of us..

Alex said...

I'm sure girls like A B C and D will realize their expectations are not realistic after a while.

When they hit their 30's or 40's and still remain single the harsh reality will set in.

Financial stability is just 1 aspect of a guy. There are certainly more important qualities to look out for in a partner.

Designer watches said...

Thanks, you have raised many interesting points. Just wondering where you got the figures for median and average incomes. I think it can be quite an arbitary figure and few websites seem to be able to come up with an exact number.

Based on figures cited from IRAS annual report 2008-09 on salary.sg, your annual income of $80,000 is higher than 72.2% of all resident taxpayers. In this calculation, we are talking about people who effectively pay tax. There are many people are in the 2K and below bracket , and these people don't pay tax.
If earning power equals to the masculine attractiveness, then you are in the top 30 percentile. There should be no problem getting a life partner.

If every girl is searching for candidates in the >80K category, on a conservative guesstimate, we are talking about less than 28 percent of the bachelors being eligible . (And if that is the case, pologamy is hard to stamp out. Especially when the supply of >80K income bracket beachelors is overwhelmed by the demand.)
But case in point is you will have no problem getting a life partner, if the yard stick for suitability as a spouse is measured by our earning power.

Personally speaking, I don't think earning power should ever be the most important criteria in choosing a life partner. Perhaps the scope of the female friends in this article where you draw from could be from a pool of aspiring MBA undergraduates. That probably slants the sample size to a more materialistic trait which values tangible assets (in the form of cash, cars, condo etc) over intangible aspects of life.

As you have highlighted, the girls A, B, C, D may not be reflective of the general female population.

I once got to know a girl in a pub many years ago. I knew instantly she was not my kind when she opened her mouth and said, `` I like fast cars.''

Well, what kind of trait do i expect from the sample size in pubs?

On another occasion, i went out with a girl from a stock brokerage. On the first date, she brought me to use the facilities in her condo. Being brought up in a HDB environment, you can imagine the kind of awe i felt when i saw this posh high end apartment she has just bought. That was the last date.

I bet there could be a close correlation between high net worth ladies and the stock broking industries they are in.

If you include in a wider spectrum of girls, i believe, you will find many girls who have simple lifestyles and who love simple guys.

Sgbluechip said...

DW, I like several points you have raised. First to clarify on median and average income, they are taken off my memory and do forgive the inaccuracy of my information. But I do believe they are not too far off the government statistics, which may not necessarily be accurate as well.

I agree fully the point that there are too little supply of bachelors to feed the high expectations of my classmates. Consider those who earned in excess of $100k per year are likely to be married with kids, the actual pool is even smaller.

In fact, they should have considered me because if I factor into my dividends and other passive income, I do earn more than $100k per year. But that is beside the point. I do not want to be chosen because of money!!

That said, I do enjoy the luxury of mingling with high income earners and it makes me more rooted to my principles of thrift and savings.

I do need some lure to test my principles sometimes.

Wiki said...

these ladies all work in banks? Front office?

Tiong said...

If they are not pretty, then they are just waiting to be a 老处女 forever...

JW said...

I'm more interested in how they achieved that income bracket in the first place... lol

Marvin said...

You are doing Master of Finance, mix with finance/banking types, what do you think?

Can you extrapolate from your experiences with finance/banking types to the rest of the population?

If you do a master's in social work, or Counselling, and probably your classmates will have different attitudes. In fact, if they read your blog on expenses, they question why your expenses don't include donating 10% of your income to charity since you are in top 20% of income earners despite being so young....

Anyway, hang aroundbanking/finance types long enough, your attitudes will change.
[I stick to my prediction that if you join the finance/banking sector after graduation, you will upgrade your car].

Sgbluechip said...

Marvin, I like your candid comments. I do not donate my income to charity because I do not believe in the people who are behind it in the first place. I do not need to draw examples to support my point. In fact, I might be doing "charity" as part time business if I were to lose my job.

Yes, I might upgrade my car, for only 2 reasons. (1) I make my first million already. (2) My current car which was caught in flood recently give up on me. Perhaps if I make my 1st 1/2 million in 2 years time, I might consider to reward myself with a camry. I do hope you can talk out of me then!

I am not saying the rest of the population are like that. In fact, I have highlighted that in my post. They are likely to be the minority (I hope).

But I must say they do represent a certain abstraction of our population. Which makes my observations interesting, yah?

Thanks for comments, feedback are always welcomed!

Sgbluechip said...

Dear JW and Wiki, most of them are traders.

Musicwhiz said...

Well, from the comments so far it seems people have certain perceptions about banking/finance types.

I am from an accounting background and I have many friends who have switched into banking/finance and I can attest that this attitude of materialism is somewhat prevalent among people in the industry (sad to say). Most people in the industry are very well-paid and have high expectations in terms of their creature comforts and the friends they hang out with. Suffice to say that being brand-conscious is part and parcel of the equation, and almost everyone is afflicted by varying doses of "Affluenza".

I do however wish to highlight the case of one friend who does not really belong to this mindset. He has been a banker for quite a few years now and only this year he was unfortnately laid off from a prominent US Investment Bank. Since he was not a spendthrift to begin with, he managed to cope quite well with about 5 months of unemployment before he recently got a new 1-year contract job in a European bank. He does not own a car but he did buy a condo, though this was conservatively financed and also close to an MRT so its value has not dropped much even post-purchase. Even so, he was complaining of the constant cash drain that each day of unemployment brought about, and fortunately his wife was still gainfully employed and they have no kids, otherwise the situation may have been more dire.

My point is that these ladies do not seem to be prudent, mature and realistic enough to understand that should anything happen to their jobs (whether laid off or pay cut/freeze), it is very likely that they may not be able to downgrade their lifestyles sufficiently to reduce spending or fixed costs to a level which can bring in positive cash flows. This, in turn, will reduce their expectations for their spouse; but it may come a little too belatedly.

As for your car, did it get caught in the recent floods? Maybe you can spend a little to repair it instead of writing it off and getting a new one? COEs are not as low as they were 6 months ago and it would be very expensive to buy a new car right now. Just my 2-cents advice.

Cheers,
Musicwhiz

Sgbluechip said...

Hi MW, thanks for the tip! Indeed, my car was caught in the flood but it did not stall midway. There was a burning smell coming from the engine then, but everything should be fine now.

I do admit that most of my classmates who are earning in excess of 100k/yr do not have decent savings and are living by the day. I am proud that though I earn a lot lesser, I am richer financially and spiritually.

Well, time will tell if they will downgrade their expectations!

JW said...

Stick to our current lifestyle and attempt to bring active income to > 100k/yr?

Sounds better... but how many can do it? I'm sure the group of us here can though :)

i-Ling said...

Well, an attractive woman's prime time ages expotentially when it hits their early 30s i think. haha

Anyway a man who earns 5 figures is one who is not stupid also. If the girls asset is only limited physical and appearance, do you think he will have 2nd thoughts after your age dies out eventually?

importer said...

Just to share a comment trend that is going to be on going that is more n more gers are going to be singles and more n more guys are going for foreign wife. Reason being that are more easily 'satisfy' then Singapore women. That is why match-making companies with girls import from Vietnam n Thailand are earning more n more.

P.S. given the ability to earn >$80K per month, I'm able to get gers of Coco Jiang standard.

yamizi said...

jialak liao...

my salary hasn't hit 3k/mth

=P

Fishmonger said...

~ Ok then. No gf for me i guess... and even if i do earn that much i rather give my wealth to a simple sweet girl than these mercenaries lol

Everycentcounts said...

Your post is very interesting. As a female, I believe there are phases that most girls go through. When we are in our teenage years, we would go for looks - the cutest or the most hulky-dory guys would catch our eyes.

As we approach our late teens and early twenties, probably someone who can click and make us laugh. As we step into the working world, we’ll be attracted to “guy who seems to have “seen-it-all”, those who always have a solution to all our problems, or perhaps someone we can look up to or even guide us..….. also at this stage, some girls who probably look for rich guys who provide them with all the material comfort that we desire….

I believe, ultimately, by the time some girls are ready to settle down, more often than not, we will hope for someone sincere, responsible and stable, a “pampering hubby, doting daddy” material and someone we can grow old with..… just my two cents worth…

asterick said...

Hi. I am highly entertained by your post SG Blue Chip.
Perhaps it's because I'm still an undergraduate, but I think your friends' expectations are crazy (no offense meant).

Given the current economic situation, fresh grads in the late 20s (for guys) will find themselves lucky to be able to earn $3k per month, if they can even find a job in the first place!
I can understand the desire for a partner who has equal or higher capabilities, as many have already said: we can't use money to measure everything.

I wonder if my boyfriend feels relieved knowing that i do not have expectations as those of Miss A,B,C and D.
Don't worry guys, there are still normal girls in SG who are not born with the expectations of being pampered with a fat allowance from a $12k salary.

Sgbluechip said...

Well said every cent counts! I like your female perspective of my post!

la papillion said...

Hi SBC,

Wah..shocked :0

Must teach my daughter to look for another sort of man -

1. Someone who can take care of her when she's sick (natue gives you sickness so you can finally sleep well officially)

2. Someone who will not mind if she becomes fat (more to love)

3. Someone who will love her no matter what her idiosyncrasies (love is blind)

I guess you can equally apply the advice to future sons :)

deeimra said...

So are you single ??? LOL

Sgbluechip said...

Hi dem, u can read my blog posts to find out. :)

deeimra said...

I think women nowdays are being supress by the society...get married at a certain age,bio clock tiking yadayadaya I came across your blog as one of my contacts posted it in FB, interesting I must say... :)
If you like the idea of discussing the single girls expectations over a couple of mojitos (Cuba Libre) do give me a shout out.

TradingPost said...

Hmm I deal with traders in my job... these ppl typically has a bad attitude.. they believe they are GOD.


Yes they earn alot.
If you get into a 1st tier bank as a fresh grad.. be it guy or girl.. u can expect a more then 100k a year.

But something for sure .. their shelf life is not very long.

dugonggong said...

well, i am female and i do agree that females in the professional sectors really do have quite high expectations of their other halfs! and possibly becuase of the people they meet wihtin thier industry, they do manage to snare guys who are able to fulfil their criteria. sadly, most do slurge on branded bags, expect to live in a condo when they get married, and love going to fancy restaurants (think the fancy posh french ones that serves very tiny portions of food - possibly the idea of eating very expensive food in tiny portions makes it very enticing to tastebuds already. but well, most do earn their own keep and pay for thier own meals =) i am probably one of the few who is insisting on living on a hdb flat after i get married becuase i really think its ludicrous to be chained to your job for a little apartment in the sky.

FBB said...

Sorry, I know this comment comes very late, but I just want to say that your post strikes a chord with me. The problem is that most men with low incomes tend to be unambitious, therefore their salary is (usually) a reflection of their ambition in life. No girl wants to be with a bum.

You, on the other hand, despite earning less than your trader friends, would be attractive to me and my female friends because you have drive and purpose in life.

But people like you are rare :)

Sgbluechip said...

Wow, thanks FBB. That's a nice boost to my ego. I agree with you though! Hahahahah!

everymoment.has.it said...

I wrote this for FBB's reply:

@SGBlueChip,Grateful to you, you post has given me much insight.

@FBB.
Hi,

although seconds ago, I have told myself to look inward instead, I still want to ask this question.

How do you define "most men with low incomes tend to be unambitious"

I have seen men working two jobs 8am-5pm, 7-4am and only earning 2.5K per month.

I have seen a girl and her younger brother dropping out of school because their parent cannot afford their education.

You used the word most, I am grateful to the people who have taught me to use "many" instead.

The questions are how much do you really need? Why do you need so much when other people across the globe can't even have a basic meal and a basic education which further divide the gap between the rich and the poor?

I personally have tried more than 10 businesses and have PROVEN that I can survive with a mere $500 every month.

Yet why do I want to be rich, I want to be rich because I want to help the millions of less fortunate to get education.

Why am I doing this? Because I know it is not they do NOT want, they can't, they lack the resources.

It is because I know whatever I have is GIVEN to me by others. That a PRECIOUS human life that comes to this world empty handed & leave empty has a value that cannot be measured by money but by LOVE.

Money is like petrol, where do you want to go?

everymoment.has.it said...

Hi, I agree what MusicWhiz has written about his friend living frugally.

Being rich to me is about being able to help others, achieve early freedom so I can spend more time connecting with others & not waste the hard earned money on material things or getting into debt and worries.

BIOCARE said...

My monthly income is only $2k. A few months back, I managed to date a sg gal out and that's is my first date so far.. And i'm almost 30 this yr.

After that date, I sms her that i interested in a relationship with her, but she reply back telling me to look other friends...

Sgbluechip said...

I think she meant you should look for a higher paying job.

CheeHow said...

Hi SG Blue Chip,

Like many other readers, i am very amused with your post as well. I am also quite amazed that the materialism of these ladies exist to such an extent (even in 2009). However, to each his(her) own, and i hope they are able to find and keep such a person.

Please do post an update on how they have been doing! I am very very curious if there are any changes to their lifestyle!

Cheers!

CheeHow said...

Hi SG Blue Chip,

Like many other readers, i am very amused with your post as well. I am also quite amazed that the materialism of these ladies exist to such an extent (even in 2009). However, to each his(her) own, and i hope they are able to find and keep such a person.

Please do post an update on how they have been doing! I am very very curious if there are any changes to their lifestyle!

Cheers!